The Power of Moving From Positions to Interests
How to Communicate Better With Family and Coworkers: The Power of Moving From Positions to Interests
Most people share a simple need: to feel valued and understood, not reduced to a transaction.
When communication honors that need — when dignity is preserved — trust deepens, collaboration grows, and everyday conversations become the foundation for stronger families, workplaces, and communities.
This isn’t just a technique for business deals. The same skills that help you communicate better with coworkers are the ones that help you connect more deeply with family, resolve conflict with friends, and strengthen teams.
One of the most powerful tools for doing this comes from negotiation research: learning to move beyond positions (surface-level demands) and uncovering interests (the deeper needs and goals underneath).
How to Communicate Better: Go Beyond Demands to Build Trust
The idea of focusing on interests rather than positions was first popularized by Roger Fisher and William Ury in Getting to Yes. It’s a principle that applies just as much in the workplace or at home as it does in formal negotiations.
Positions are the what: explicit demands.
“I want a 10% discount.” (business)
“Our neighborhood meetings must be Tuesday nights.” (community)
“You need to clean up your toys before bed.” (family)
Interests are the why beneath the what: the needs, pressures, or goals shaping those demands.
Concern about cash flow.
A community member’s need for accessibility or balance.
A child’s desire for independence or fairness.
When conversations stay stuck at the level of positions, people feel reduced to demands. When we explore interests, the person behind the demand is honored — and dignity enters the room.
This is how we communicate better with coworkers, families, and communities: by listening for the need behind the words.
For a deeper look at this principle in action, see How to Choose Negotiation Over Bargaining — it explores how mindsets like these turn conflicts into cooperation.
How Win-Win Solutions Multiply When You Focus on Interests
Consider a workplace negotiation focused only on price. At the level of positions, there are just four outcomes:
The price goes up.
The price goes down.
The price stays the same.
No deal.
Four doors. That’s it. Most are win/lose scenarios.
But when interests come into focus, the doors multiply. The price can still move — and new solutions appear:
If the concern is risk, a warranty or phased rollout helps.
If it’s cash flow, payment terms can shift.
If it’s reputation, references or guarantees can reassure.
If it’s implementation, training or support can be offered.
Instead of four doors, suddenly there are ten, twenty, or more. Many of them satisfy all sides without ever touching price.
This is the essence of effective communication and conflict resolution: positions shrink possibilities, while interests expand them exponentially into win-win solutions.
For a real-world example of this approach at work, explore Off-Ramps: How to De-Escalate a Negotiation.
Everyday Examples of Turning Conflict Into Connection
Think about how this plays out in daily life:
At work: A coworker pushes back on deadlines. On the surface it sounds like resistance. But when you explore the interest — maybe it’s concern about quality or workload balance — new solutions appear, like phased delivery or shared support.
In community: Neighbors disagree about meeting times. On the surface it’s a clash of schedules. But when you explore the interest — accessibility, safety, or fairness — creative compromises emerge.
At home: A couple argues over chores. At the surface: “You never do the dishes.” Beneath: the real need might be about support, fairness, or rest. Once voiced, the options multiply — from chore-swaps to recognition of effort.
The principle is the same everywhere: when you look beyond positions and communicate with curiosity, dignity is preserved and relationships grow stronger.
If curiosity feels difficult in tense moments, try the simple tools from Control vs. Curiosity — small shifts that change how others feel heard.
From Family to Business: Better Communication Everywhere
This isn’t just about saving money in negotiations or ending arguments at home. It’s about building trust, connection, and effective communication skills that make every part of life stronger:
In business, positions can spark tension; interests create long-term partnerships.
In families, positions create standoffs; interests strengthen bonds.
In teams and communities, positions divide; interests unite.
Wherever people are working together, dignity and interests are the key to communication that lasts.
You can see this same dynamic in Yes Without Execution — The Silent Deal-Killer, which shows why words without follow-through erode trust faster than disagreement ever could.
The Lasting Benefits of Dignity-First Communication
Shifting from positions to interests isn’t about being soft. It’s about being wise.
Options expand.
Relationships strengthen.
Agreements endure.
Dignity is protected.
And dignity is what makes trust possible — at work, at home, and in every relationship we value.
Every time you move beyond positions and explore the interests beneath them, you’re not just solving a problem. You’re unlocking a new level of connection that can hold far more than a deal.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What does “positions vs interests” mean in communication?
A position is a stated demand — what someone says they want. An interest is the reason behind it — the need or concern that makes it matter. Focusing on interests helps people feel heard and opens the door to creative, trust-building solutions instead of win/lose outcomes.
2. How can I use this approach to communicate better at work?
When coworkers disagree, pause and ask what they’re trying to protect or achieve — not just what they’re asking for. This shifts the conversation from pressure to problem-solving, turning conflict into collaboration. It’s the same skill taught in How to Choose Negotiation Over Bargaining.
3. Does this work in family or personal relationships too?
Yes — the same dignity-first principles apply everywhere. Listening for the why behind the what transforms tension into connection, whether it’s about chores, schedules, or values. The goal isn’t to win; it’s to understand.
